The first half was alright for a beginner.
But then the second half...
Lemme tell ya something: Please do not put sexual content into your videos. Or at least put a warning in the topic or the video title.
Aside from that, here are some tips:
Good camera movements, but maybe try Depth of Field on it.
The movements are too... Choppy could be the right term? Experiment with different Transitions when moving objects and characters.
When the girl brings out the cake, it clips through the wall and the door. That generally doesn't look too appealing.
The background could use more interesting scenery. Maybe a town or a forest, just don't let flatlands show.
The story was sort of hard to follow. That has a little to do with the lack of transitions in the characters.
When he opens the door, it rotates in a strange manner. I would suggest changing the custom rotation point so it looks more accurate.
The torches do not give light or fire, which doesn't look good and is ironic given that they're torches.
The scene could do with more contrast in the lighting. Even just a candle or something would provide for your scene's contrast.
It looks a little strange to have movements without limbs bending switch into movements with bending.
Sometimes the characters are underposed, or not posed at all. Even just rotating and bending the legs and arms a tiny bit makes it look more appealing and more professional.
That's all I've got. Don't be discouraged and keep at it.